Song of the Ramblin' Halflin'

"Song of the Ramblin' Halflin'" written for my current party's halfling bard.

Gather 'round you folk of all shapes and sizes
I'm tellin' my story, it's full of surprises
They'll wet yer face and split yer grin,
They'll ache yer sides and slap yer shin
We'll start at the beginning, settle down, be quiet!
I might not look it, but I was born a giant.

My Pa was a hill, but my Ma was a mountain
I burst from her womb in a tumult and fountain
For my first five years I just rolled downhill
And my limbs were like trees and I ate my fill
On traveler's mules and warrior's horses
I gobbled and grew each day on twelve courses
Until one day when I stepped on a castle
And the king and his men all got ready for battle
They chopped off my knees and they hacked off my head
and my guts all fell out and they left me for dead.

Lucky for me, some folks came by
they picked up my limbs and gave them a try
when they didn't fit right they started again
till my head had a body and my start had an end
I felt up myself and I sounded my voice,
it was higher than normal, and my figure was choice
but I couldn't quite see as far as I could
and all around me other giants stood.
They looked down on me and they laughed and pointed
I tried to stomp on 'em but I was disappointed
cuz my legs were like twigs, and their dog bowled me over
I fell to the ground and got lost in the clover.

After crawling away to catch my breath
I fear'd my fate was worse than death
But after a while it started to catch on
I could go where I pleased like a regular John
And now I can sing and can fit in yer tavern
I ain't gotta live in a big spooky cavern.
Now that's my story, I'm sure it's bafflin,
of how I became this ramblin' halflin'

Also posted here: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8kq6oj/song_of_the_ramblin_halflin/