A lame attempt.

Death is too good for me, too easy, too quick, selfish. Selfish beyond anyones imagination. People love me, to take my life is to hurt people with a far higher worth then myself. Am i even worth the attention from such an act? In that sense i live on

Lonely...I may be but not in the sense of the word. Although surrounded by friends, people who care how i feel, it is me against the world. I dont want to drag them into my fight... Its me and God, but why then do i feel so by myself.

Why is it that whenever i see myself in a mirror i cringe at the face smiling back at me? I do my best to live my life knowing everyone suffers, everyone feels pain. I try to be kind, smile and welcome anyone and everyone i can. Why is it that i still feel this self-loathing? How can others who live without a care other then themselves look in the mirror without consequence.
How can these people go on daily, yet the horror of my failure crushes me down to these thoughts.

I can trust no one fully with my full thoughts and feelings. Others shouldn't have to carry the burdens of MY mistakes and MY problems. People who offer do so out of common curtsey, and even if they care enough about you that they willingly listen to your long list, they aren't there to help you through it. Although i experience moments of weakness, such as this, where i break down and spill my soul for the judgement of those around me, it never proves to be a fruitful endeavor. The person i speak to eases their way out of my life. They begin to stop answering my calls and i know then at the mistake i made.

I shut up
I seal myself away from the world.

I keep to myself.....
I wear a mask, so distorted that my pain is invisible.....
i live on.......


I am dead in my own eyes.

Lonliness... I sympethise. Man's worst enemy; his most desperate hour.

The blackest road of the journey. There am I as well; weeping on the edge of ruin.

Below the beast waits to swallow us in darkness

But hold fast my dear friend. Hold fast.